Thursday, July 19, 2012

run. run. and then run some more.

Tonight was one of my best runs yet. Are you laughing? Rebekah running. (And not because she is chasing after kids.)

Yep. My coworker talked me into doing a 1/2 marathon with her and some of her friends and cousins. And surprisingly, it didn't take much convincing. It is good for me to have this goal. I'm usually not one to set goals, but this goal- for some reason- has been really motivating for me. Maybe it is because I'm out to prove myself to my sisters who laughed when I said I was doing this....because I need to feel the sense of accomplishment....because I want to do something healthy- exercise- for my body.

I think I ran 5 miles tonight...based on how many songs I listened to. :) I got back to my place and I felt so good. Like I should keep going. But the sun was setting so I stopped. The endorphins hit me like a wave.  My life might feel a little unsettled. I'm not all the way unpacked in my new place. I'm not sure of my next steps with my job. And this guy has me on a roller coaster of emotions lately. But I know who holds my future so even though I so quickly fall to worry about it all. I don't need to. And God keeps proving through blessing after blessing that He wants the best for us. Better than we can imagine. So I need to keep my hope in Him and not in my own plans.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

live like you are dying

My baby sister had her life saved on Sunday.

Tears brim up in my eyes as I think of what could have been and how God was in control of the whole situation.
She had been falling asleep multiple times on her drive...hitting the bumps on the side of the road..waking up. And then one time, she didn't. Her truck entered the median and she woke up when her truck hit a culvert and started flying in the air. Going 70 mph b/c she was on cruise control. She told me later: "at that moment, I thought I was going to die." (I can't even imagine what that would be like.) Then she rolled (just) once and landed on her tires.
She was in hysterics. She just survived. God saved her. People started rushing towards her. She was bawling. Wanting her mommy. (and now I'm bawling) Only men were coming to help and she just wanted a woman to hug her. Because she survived. She couldn't remember phone numbers and they could only find her phone battery and back cover. They wouldn't let her look. She told them that her sister Kim was waiting for her at a gas station and they needed to go find her.

I was in church....listening to a sermon that was not grabbing my attention...instead, I was thinking about a certain boy (a LOT) and the concert that afternoon. I hear my phone vibrate. A text from Dawn: "did you get the message from Kim?" I think nothing of it because I assumed she was wondering when they were going to be in the cities. Around 5 minutes later, a text from Kim: "She is ok. Truck broken bones. Someone call ethan. They hav noy let me see her yet. Her phone is lost. Someone call mom." I get up and leave church. As soon as I'm outside, I call Dawn.

Did someone reach Mom?
No, Dad isn't answering his cell phone. You should call her b/c I don't have her cell phone number.
They should be done with church by now! Why aren't they answering?

Dawn doesn't know many details about what happened, but we can't reach our parents and that is very unsettling to me. I call multiple times. My mom's cell phone. My dad's cell phone. Home. Mom again. Dad again. Mom again. Leave a message on Dad's phone: call Kim, Dawn or me. Leah's been in an accident.

I pray and I pray hard begging God to let Leah be okay. I cry because I'm scared.

Finally. I get a phone call from Dawn. Mom and Dad have been reached. Mom is mad at Leah because she didn't get much sleep the night before. Of course Mom is mad. That is how she reacts. Leah has nothing wrong with her (praise the Lord!!), but they are waiting on a blood test to come back before they release her. She is coming to the concert still. Dawn and I both think- thank goodness we have chairs so she can sit if needed.

Get a text from Kim: "Leah is ok. As soon as she is released we will go see her truck. She is coming to the cities yet."

They arrive at Dawn and Corey's house. I give Leah a big hug.
And then another one.
I almost lost her today.

She said the dr told her: I'm not sure how you survived.

God. God is why she survived.

And then I'm so thankful she was driving her truck. (The truck a lot of people thought she was crazy for buying.)  
And I'm thankful she was so close to Worthington, where she was meeting Kim. (so Kim could be with her in the hospital.)
And I'm thankful she was wearing her seat belt.
And I'm so thankful my mom is so faithful in praying for us kids. She said that she had a bad feeling when Leah left that morning so she prayed as Leah drove away.

And now I'm left with feeling unsatisfied with work this week. I've actually been feeling this way for awhile. I told my good friend and coworker today: Work is just blah to me lately. Not the people, but the work.

So I think I'm going to start looking for a new job.
(woah that is a big step for me!)
It is so scary for me to think about leaving Jasper. I LOVE my coworkers. And my boss is the best. Really, the best. He stands up for me when people call me names. And he wants the best for his employees. He treats us well and wants us to be happy. I don't want to hurt them by leaving.
My thoughts: Emily will be out this fall on maternity leave...bad timing for training someone new. And then I hear my sister Dawn in my head: Do this for yourself. Jasper can deal with it.
I stayed late today to try and catch-up. My boss was also there past "closing time" and he said to me: "working late today?" I said: "yeah trying to catch up a bit!" He said: "well thank you!" I feel like I would letting them down. But staying there is not going after my dream. After not having a space for my art stuff for the past month...I've realized just how much I need it!! I need to express myself creatively. Even if it just something for me personally. My soul thrives and is alive when I make something.

So that is where I am.
There is my heart.
What is next?

God knows.
And I need to listen closely.