I try to make myself distracted, but as it turns out...the distractions didn't work.
Repeat: God has a better plan. God has a better plan. God has a better plan.
I think part of this is coming from the Christmas season- the yearning to share traditions and make memories with someone. But I also need to remind myself that it is okay for me to have those yearnings and desires. Thinking they are too lofty or extreme is putting a limit on God and what He can do. He will exceed my expectations for my future.
And keep asking God for peace. Peace in my heart and mind. And I need to keep choosing Joy. Joy because God sent us His son as a baby to grow up and save us from our sinful nature.
Right after I wrote the above, I read my Jesus Calling for the day. (Note: I bolded and underlined parts that really struck me.)
"I am working on your behalf. Bring Me all your concerns, including your dreams. Talk with Me about everything, letting the Light of My Presence shine on your hopes and plans. Spend time allowing My light to infuse your dreams with life, gradually transforming them into reality. This is a very practical way of collaborating with Me. I, the Creator of the universe, have deigned to co-create with you. Do not try to hurry this process. If you want to work with Me, you have to accept My time frame. Hurry is not in My nature. Abraham and Sarah had to wait many years for the fulfillment of My promise, a son. How their long wait intensified their enjoyment of this child! Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses."
As I write this out over a week later- I'm in awe of how PERFECT this reading was for me- that night and still today. I take a deep breath. And read those words again. The Lord is on my side. But it will be in His timing.
I'm brought back to a conversation with my Dad over Thanksgiving weekend. I wish I would have recorded it- so I could listen to it again and again. My Dad is usually a man of few words- which makes even more sense when you picture him in a house with 7 daughters. :) He is an observer- speaking when necessary- and the words that come out are never without purpose and intent. He is wise man. He has studied the Bible a lot and he knows it well. In the past couple of years I've really wanted to know my Dad better and hear more of what he thinks and knows.
Back to Thanksgiving. My brother ended up not being able to go to Saturday morning breakfast at the hospital cafeteria (their weekly tradition)- so it was just me and my Dad (because I join them when I'm home). I was actually thinking it was going to be a quiet breakfast because I don't know who bought what farmland in the past week or what happened in that accident or any other Sioux County news. Which was fine with me- I'm like my Dad in that silence is completely fine with me. I also tend to be an observer- taking my time to process what is being said and then I might have a response a day or more later.
But my Dad surprised me. And shared so much wisdom with me.
He talked about doing everything in God's timing. Listening to His calling and leading. How we will be so blessed by God by just trusting in Him. How much God wants to bless us. And how we don't know what or when things will happen, but we don't need to know. God will surprise us. And bless us in that way. But we do need to do our part. Pray, spend time in the Word, and spend time listening to God's calling on our life.
God knew how much I needed to hear those truths. Because I tend to be a planner. Wanting to know what is going to happen next. And if I don't, I get scared and nervous about messing things up. But God doesn't want us to live that way. He wants us to live in trust and faith.