Tuesday, January 15, 2013

count it all JOY: 8 Jan 2013

I should go to sleep, but I don't. Instead, I start reading a new blog. Her words hit me as I read them. Tears fill up in my eyes. The words prove I'm not the only one and I'm not alone. It has clearly been God's message to me lately.

You are NOT alone.

I may feel like I'm the only one in my situation, but I'm not. And I can choose my feelings and reactions to where I'm at in life. And this year, I'm choosing joy.

My alarm softly disrupts my reading. 10:30 PM. I push dismiss and put my phone down to reach over for the blue sleeve of pills. They are supposed to help stop the pain. Pain that my "healthy" body gives me almost every month. This is a part of me needing to choose joy through this pain. My bloated stomach makes me angry. Because my head is telling me it is fat and that I need to do something about that.

I continue reading. I should go to bed, but I can't put it down. I'm so relieved to have found a blog with such honesty and where I can more closely relate. And not find myself wishing about the other person's trip, family, new house project, wedding, pregnancy, etc. They are good blogs. But this one is better for my heart.

"Only when we understand that the reason we are to count it all joy is not because of the experience, but because of the result of the experience."  (from The Dream Giver)

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Waiting: December 28, 2012

I've learned a lot about waiting this year. And honestly, the learning has not always come joyfully. I've found myself annoyed that "God is still teaching me this lesson??"
I'm doing a Beth Moore Bible Study and she has talked a lot about a "long obedience in the same direction" to where God is taking us. And how some things "come easy" for others...and we are still waiting. And maybe that is because that "thing" will come in a more miraculous way for us. Wow. I've never thought about it like that before. But that gives me hope. And we all could use more  hope in our lives...for whatever we are waiting on...the answer to the request we made so long ago...we need hope. 

I was reading through a notepad where I jot down quotes/ statements that have stuck out to me at some point in my life. I came across the following and it reminded me to embrace the life and stage I'm in.

"Many of us have experienced a long silence in our single lives. Some of us have embraced it; many of us endured it. For years and years, we have been along with God and all we can hear is the quiet beating of our aching hearts. We've been listening intently for His voice, hoping that the silence would bring answers. Ironically, the silence is the answer. It is full of meaning and purpose. God created this silent moment to cultivate intimacy with us. He is preparing us for a love that is about to come." Undressed

I'm not saying I'm single because I still have "things to figure out" because humans will never have everything figured out. No, this silence and waiting is all apart of my "long obedience". And I need to remember to be thankful for this time. I've also been learning that- to be thankful in all circumstances. Especially when life is not going the way I imagined. Being thankful reminds me of the power of God.  And His faithfulness. And that His faithfulness is greater than any humans.

I want to embrace this silence. God is taking care of me.

"God does understand and empathize with your situation, but He is not going to change His perfect and all-encompassing plan so that you can gratify your every desire. We have to learn to fit into God's plan, not the other way around." Undressed

                    (a little artwork that I'm going to hang in my bathroom for a daily reminder!)