run. run. and then run some more.

Tonight was one of my best runs yet. Are you laughing? Rebekah running. (And not because she is chasing after kids.)

Yep. My coworker talked me into doing a 1/2 marathon with her and some of her friends and cousins. And surprisingly, it didn't take much convincing. It is good for me to have this goal. I'm usually not one to set goals, but this goal- for some reason- has been really motivating for me. Maybe it is because I'm out to prove myself to my sisters who laughed when I said I was doing this....because I need to feel the sense of accomplishment....because I want to do something healthy- exercise- for my body.

I think I ran 5 miles tonight...based on how many songs I listened to. :) I got back to my place and I felt so good. Like I should keep going. But the sun was setting so I stopped. The endorphins hit me like a wave.  My life might feel a little unsettled. I'm not all the way unpacked in my new place. I'm not sure of my next steps with my job. And this guy has me on a roller coaster of emotions lately. But I know who holds my future so even though I so quickly fall to worry about it all. I don't need to. And God keeps proving through blessing after blessing that He wants the best for us. Better than we can imagine. So I need to keep my hope in Him and not in my own plans.

live like you are dying

My baby sister had her life saved on Sunday.

Tears brim up in my eyes as I think of what could have been and how God was in control of the whole situation.
She had been falling asleep multiple times on her drive...hitting the bumps on the side of the road..waking up. And then one time, she didn't. Her truck entered the median and she woke up when her truck hit a culvert and started flying in the air. Going 70 mph b/c she was on cruise control. She told me later: "at that moment, I thought I was going to die." (I can't even imagine what that would be like.) Then she rolled (just) once and landed on her tires.
She was in hysterics. She just survived. God saved her. People started rushing towards her. She was bawling. Wanting her mommy. (and now I'm bawling) Only men were coming to help and she just wanted a woman to hug her. Because she survived. She couldn't remember phone numbers and they could only find her phone battery and back cover. They wouldn't let her look. She told them that her sister Kim was waiting for her at a gas station and they needed to go find her.

I was in church....listening to a sermon that was not grabbing my attention...instead, I was thinking about a certain boy (a LOT) and the concert that afternoon. I hear my phone vibrate. A text from Dawn: "did you get the message from Kim?" I think nothing of it because I assumed she was wondering when they were going to be in the cities. Around 5 minutes later, a text from Kim: "She is ok. Truck totaled..no broken bones. Someone call ethan. They hav noy let me see her yet. Her phone is lost. Someone call mom." I get up and leave church. As soon as I'm outside, I call Dawn.

Did someone reach Mom?
No, Dad isn't answering his cell phone. You should call her b/c I don't have her cell phone number.
They should be done with church by now! Why aren't they answering?

Dawn doesn't know many details about what happened, but we can't reach our parents and that is very unsettling to me. I call multiple times. My mom's cell phone. My dad's cell phone. Home. Mom again. Dad again. Mom again. Leave a message on Dad's phone: call Kim, Dawn or me. Leah's been in an accident.

I pray and I pray hard begging God to let Leah be okay. I cry because I'm scared.

Finally. I get a phone call from Dawn. Mom and Dad have been reached. Mom is mad at Leah because she didn't get much sleep the night before. Of course Mom is mad. That is how she reacts. Leah has nothing wrong with her (praise the Lord!!), but they are waiting on a blood test to come back before they release her. She is coming to the concert still. Dawn and I both think- thank goodness we have chairs so she can sit if needed.

Get a text from Kim: "Leah is ok. As soon as she is released we will go see her truck. She is coming to the cities yet."

They arrive at Dawn and Corey's house. I give Leah a big hug.
And then another one.
I almost lost her today.

She said the dr told her: I'm not sure how you survived.

God. God is why she survived.

And then I'm so thankful she was driving her truck. (The truck a lot of people thought she was crazy for buying.)  
And I'm thankful she was so close to Worthington, where she was meeting Kim. (so Kim could be with her in the hospital.)
And I'm thankful she was wearing her seat belt.
And I'm so thankful my mom is so faithful in praying for us kids. She said that she had a bad feeling when Leah left that morning so she prayed as Leah drove away.

And now I'm left with feeling unsatisfied with work this week. I've actually been feeling this way for awhile. I told my good friend and coworker today: Work is just blah to me lately. Not the people, but the work.

So I think I'm going to start looking for a new job.
(woah that is a big step for me!)
It is so scary for me to think about leaving Jasper. I LOVE my coworkers. And my boss is the best. Really, the best. He stands up for me when people call me names. And he wants the best for his employees. He treats us well and wants us to be happy. I don't want to hurt them by leaving.
My thoughts: Emily will be out this fall on maternity leave...bad timing for training someone new. And then I hear my sister Dawn in my head: Do this for yourself. Jasper can deal with it.
I stayed late today to try and catch-up. My boss was also there past "closing time" and he said to me: "working late today?" I said: "yeah trying to catch up a bit!" He said: "well thank you!" I feel like I would letting them down. But staying there is not going after my dream. After not having a space for my art stuff for the past month...I've realized just how much I need it!! I need to express myself creatively. Even if it just something for me personally. My soul thrives and is alive when I make something.

So that is where I am.
There is my heart.
What is next?

God knows.
And I need to listen closely.

no supplements needed

I'm in the process of finding a new church to attend. It is a hard process and a long one. It is hard to wake up on Sunday morning and want to walk into a building where you don't know anyone. But it is important to get fed. And I believe it is important to be in fellowship with other believers. So I have to admit...I haven't been good about going to church lately. My fear of being the "unknown" person has held me back. A friend sent me a link to the following sermon and it is a good one. I went to Bethlehem once back in May and haven't made it back again, but now I'm more drawn in after hearing this sermon.

http://www.hopeingod.org/sermon/our-personal-identity-christ

One of the things that stuck out to me was: "No supplements are needed when you are in Christ. Bad theology is thinking we have Christ and that we need something else too."  It really stood out to me as I seek to completely find my identity in Christ. So often I think that I need (not just want) something or really, someone to make my life better and more complete. But really, I don't. Christ gives me all I need.

the world is too much

I'm reading a devotional called: "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young these days. I might dare to say it has been the best devotional I've ever read. There is only a paragraph or two each day to read, but they speak volumes to me. The reading for May 25 reads this (I added the bold to the text):

The world is too much with you, My child. Your mind leaps from problem to problem to problem, tangling your thoughts in anxious knots. When you think like that, you leave Me out of your world-view and your mind becomes darkened. Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom. I stand silently in the  background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you.

When you turn from  your problems to My Presence, your load is immediately lighter. Circumstances may not have changed, but we carry your burdens together. Your compulsion to "fix" everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with Me. Together we can handle whatever this day brings.

The last line for today's reading states this: "In My Presence you can face uncertainty with perfect Peace."

I often find myself rereading the day's message (since the book is small, it fits in my purse) as a reminder when I find myself getting stressed, anxious, etc during the day.

patience

God is working on my patience these days. I thought I was a pretty patient person, but it turns out...when I want something, I want it now.

Right now, this means:
I want a certain boy to write me back (this is certainly at the top of my wants right now!)
I want to be in my new apt today (instead of in a couple more days)
I want a job in my field (even though I'm so blessed at the job I'm at right now)
I want a husband
I want children
I want a church where I can feel welcome and part of a family

So I keep praying.
God- take my thoughts captive every moment of every day!
You always love me. Unconditionally.
Your love is all I need.
Please give me more patience and peace.
I want to praise and glorify you with everything I do and say.
(Repeat. Repeat. and repeat again.)

catch-up time for my 30 before 30 list!

So I haven't written in a very long time...but after some encouragement from a friend, I'm going to attempt to be better at this! Let's back-up to last July and I'll fill you in on some things I crossed off my 30 before 30 list!

# 23: We followed through with plans and we did it....we had a HS friends girls' wkd! It was so much fun!! Not all of us could make it- two of my friends were pregnant and unable to travel. But we're hoping they can make it this year :) Jenn, Christa and I went out to Denver where Sarah lives and then we headed up to the mountains and stayed in a condo type place for the weekend. Lots of laughter, hiking, and chill time to make great memories :) I took a lot of pictures, but I'll just post a few here.

together at last!

After our first "hike"/walk on our first night there

movie night! we love to take silly pictures :) It's one of my favorite things that we do :)

start of our first hike of the day!

oops! we broke the "rule"! :)

going on the paddle boat after our 2nd hike of the day- so much fun!

we cleaned up and went out for supper

took one last ride up the ski lift before leaving the condo/resort

#4 on my list was to visit Sarah in CO- so the girls weekend knocked two off my list at once! I was so thankful to get to see where she and Jonathan have made their home for the past couple of years. Hopefully someday we will be closer than 12 hours away from each other :)

I have plans to cross off some big things on my list this year! But you'll have to wait and see what they are :)

T.P. art

In my blog readings, I came across a blog called: Just a Girl. Then I saw this awesome DIY art piece she made....with toilet paper rolls! Awesome and cheap! Just what I need with my budget :) So this weekend, I finally had enough rolls saved up to make my own version.

I painted the outsides a creamy white and the insides got a coat of a metallic silver. Both are acryllic paints that my older sister passed on to me. I was happy to have a chance to use them! Plus they were free so it helps with the low cost of this project!

Here they are all hot-glued together and ready to be placed on my canvas.

I painted my canvas yellow to add a pop of color to our living room where this will get eventually get hung.

I also got this 20x24 inch canvas for a deal! Apparently there was something wrong with it, so it had a "As Is" tag on it with a price of $6.25- marked down from $24.99! I love a good bargain!

I played around with the design for a little while before settling on this as the final one.

Now I just need to get my hammer and nails out and get it hung up in our living room!