Thursday, November 29, 2012

tears: 28 november 2012

Everything is making me cry tonight.

a commercial with beautiful piano music
a scene in a TV show
eating a piece of pie my mom baked
written words from a friend after I sent her a random brain dump

And there are a lot of thoughts making me tear up (all the while my nephews watch TV upstairs).

thoughts of how I've disappointed myself and others
thoughts of a boy who broke my heart
thoughts of my hopes, dreams, and unspoken prayers
thoughts of gratitude that our God is so gracious
thoughts of my upcoming birthday and how my life is nothing like the dreams I've had since I was a little girl

I know it is good to let these tears out even though some of them make me feel so weak. So vulnerable. And small. And that I've been wearing my "good girl" mask too much lately. So I let them fall silently. And think about taking a shower so I can let them fall in anger/ frustration/ despair.

PS: Something else bringing me to tears- my Beth Moore Bible Study. Read Psalm 84 and Psalm 91:4. While I was reading Psalm 84 out loud (per the study instructions)- I could barely get the words and my eyes were blinded by my tears. What a needed reminder and blessing from God.

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